The Pregnancy Card and How to Use it (November 22, 2016)

You are in a special place in your life - you are either pregnant or have a newborn baby.  You deserve to be treated like royalty in my opinion.  However, some people may not realize this yet and may actually expect you to do things the "normal way" but I highly discourage this.  You should do things your way for at least the nine months in and the nine months out.  There's no job greater than growing or taking care of a human and you shouldn't have to waste your precious time or energy on anything else.

So how do you use The Pregnancy (or New Mama and Baby) Card?  It's easy!  Anytime you want something, you should get it. If it isn't handed to you automatically then you should simply tell or show whomever you need to that you are pregnant or have a wee little one and should indeed receive whatever it is you want.  For example, you get pulled over for speeding.  Simply explain to the officer that you were preoccupied growing a human and accidentally went a tiny bit over the speed limit.  The officer should then, if following The Pregnancy Card protocol, apologize for interrupting your human-growing, clear your record of any previous offenses and escort you with lights and sirens to wherever it is you were trying to get to.  Easy!